Posts Tagged ‘UK’

Patent

August 30, 2012

What with all the patent wars raging on between tech companies, patent trolls and various others all over the world, I too have decided to enter the game.

My resources are obviously meagre, so buying an ailing company for its patent armament is a non-starter and inventing something useful would require talent I don’t possess, and it may even be hard work, which is frankly the last thing I want.

Luckily “inventions” patented nowadays don’t have to be useful, tangible or indeed even original, so I might still be in with a chance. But what already existing thing can I possibly patent that would bring me the millions I so desperately crave?

And then it struck me while I was leafing through the Sunday edition of my local newspaper, one of those reassuringly reliable UK institutions, filled with bizarre non-stories and endless pages of readers moaning about everything.

Yes.

That’s it.

I’m going to patent the concept of disappointment.

And if you now think “Damn, why didn’t I think about that?”, expect a letter from my lawyers soon.

Best of British

October 20, 2009

My favourite TV show has to be Antiques Roadshow. It’s not the actual show I like so much but imagining what the initial brainstorming session would’ve been like.

‘Hey, I’ve got an idea!’
“Hear, hear. We’re bloody bored and haven’t had a coffee for…exactly 38 minutes, so make it quick.’
‘Okay, okay. So, first we gather a bunch of art boffins who travel around the country.’
‘And then?’
‘And then people can bring all their crap to them and have it valued.’
‘And then?’
‘And then we capture their facial expressions as they’re being told how much their junk is actually worth.’
‘And then?’
‘Well, that’s it really.’

In every other country of the world they would’ve told the guy to fuck off and that the next round of coffee was on him.